It all turns into Memories

I am so packed with emotions right now. It kinda hurts and it makes it hard for my heart to beat and pump blood normally into my brains.
I can't seem to control my brain right now. Watery substance is infiltrating my eyes, diluting my visions, flowing out imensely, leaving wet trails on my face and finally entered my mouth.
The salty, watery taste stung me. Made me realised that it all happened way to soon for us to even grasp.
Somehow i know, these goodbyes would build me and yet they are taking a part of me away with them. I'm losing parts of me which i'm willing to give. This is how it feels when you have given your genuine care, love and feelings to them. I practically threw it out there.
Especially, my best crazy encounter with Lila. I love her! and I will miss her like crazy.
I really really hope the best for her. I know all of us would cry but we'll all move on and that sucks cos that is when everything turns into memories.
The best decision i have ever made in life is to come to Finland.
I met the most wonderful people here. I feel alive and charged here.
It gave me courage.
I don't want to say goodbye.

Oops I did it again

Oh Fuck me.
I can't beleive i did it again.
Going late for a test!? What the hell was i thinking!?
I hate myself for so many reasons and this is definitely one of the reasons why.
I am hating myself right now.
Fuck you Spears

Love = Life

'It doesn't matter who you love as long as you have love in your life.'
Laurel Holloman

How many people can truly live by that? Honestly. It takes too much courage.
Loving someone who hurts you.
Loving someone who seems wrong to anyone.
Loving someone who's dying.
Loving someone who's of the same sex.
Loving someone who's wrong for you.

Nobody know's what's right what's wrong. Choose the path with less regrets.
And i guess it all boils down to one question.

Do you love that someone?

Anyway Laurel Holloman plays Tina in the L word.
It's a great show. Such a meaningful show to advocate the 'different' people.
Really all of us are just human and we should love each other.
What's wrong with being gay?
I advocate them and i am a supporter of their love. :)

I love acoustic

If i die young

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh oh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I’ve never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh


The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls


Story behind the song

Alone in the crowd.

There are some days where i thought i might like you and some days where i would think about you. But i never pictured me with you.
'US' is too much for me.
It's like i don't feel that i am enough for you.
I know i never told you so how do i expect you to know what i feel towards you.
And yet i expected.
It's silly. I don't even want to talk to you because i know i will be talking to myself.
It's nothing but my mind made it something.
It's actually that simple.
There were never anything. Just the hoaxing of my mind.
I don't think i will ever tell you.
I might not even like you at all.
This is not even confusion that i'm experiencing.
This is loneliness yearnng for company but loneliness is meant to be alone.
That is why i feel this way because i am supposed to.
i have people around me and yet i feel alone.
It shouldn't be this way.
It shouldn't be.
This is not depressing, just realisation taking it's natural course of path.
I'm not depressed, just understanding me.

I didn't mean to ruin the little girl's dream

Something happened on Sunday night that made me realise that there are more that matters than me myself.
I feel like a total idiot.
I shall describe the courses of event.
It was about 820pm and already i was anticipating for my release of work at 9pm. A Indian family of 3 came by. Dad, Mom and daughter. They were interested in a considerably cheap keyboard. I was keen on closing the deal so i painted a brilliant picture of how useful and good this keyboard would be as an investment.
Whatever they requested, like delivery and a free stand, i agreed to it.
DAMN was i selfish.
I wasn't even sure about the delivery process and the FOC of stuffs that come along with the keyboard and i freakin' agreed to them blindly.
Dad took out his credit card and yay! i close the freakin' deal, only to realise that i was wrong. There were no free delivery and stand.
Little girl was asked to play the keyboard the whole time. She seemed rather unwilling with the frowned eyebrows and pouted lips.
I had to correct myself infront of them and they were upset. I couldn;t explain myself. All i did was apologised.
To no avail of course, eventually they left.
I was kinda mad both at myself and them. Myself: becos i got everything messed up. Them: becos i felt like i huniliated myself. I mean i've apologised the whole way till they left unhappy!
Then there were approximately 10mins before i could leave. I spaced out in my own thoughts, taking a ride back down memory lane.
When i was younger, maybe around 10.
I've always liked the piano. Fascinated by how it could be played, and the beautiful melody that one could play based on their mood. I've always wanted to be able to play out tunes that could keep my emotions accompanied.
My dad used to ask me if i would wanna learn the piano. Of course i want to but i said no. I guess i was afraid that i am not good enough for the piano. Know what i mean? It's hard to explain why i think that way.
So when he brought me to stores that sells piano in it, he never told me to try out the piano cos he always thought that i didn;t like the piano.
I always looked on at the piano intently, esp when there would be other kids who would sit on the piano bench and hastily play out a nursery tune. Even nursery tune would make me go wide eyed-opened jaw. no kidding.
I never had a piano.
OMG, It was Dejavu. And it daunted me that i had ruined that girl's dream. A dream that i killed even before it could sprout out to its potential being. How sucky was i? I never meant for it to end this way.
Now i'm sincerely remorseful for my greed.
I'm sorry.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVONNE

I KNOW IT'S LATE!!

It doesn't make sense

The road ahead

When life is going downhill, you go along with it. You know why? I mean what other route is there? If the road ahead is a downhill, you have to go towards it and what can I say, I always prefer the downhill because it’s so much easier.

Against all odds

This is the an all time favouraite for me. It'll brace through centuries and still be the best of all times.
OMG when the sax player came in, it blew me away. And when the song ended, it took a piece of me away as the music fades.
What impact! Madness.
Phil Collins wrote this song for his wife whom left him because of his negligence. What a romantic chap. I'll die for someone like that.:)

Find your grail

When Dr Torres says FIND YOUR GRAIL how can you not???
And she's one helluva singer!

The OLD-PEOPLE lecture of thoughts

I can't help but feel old. I kinda don't see where my life is going.

You know, I've got all these ideas of what i wanna do but all of them seem so far fetched. I'm gonna be a script writer. Write awesome scripts. I wanna see my script on the large screen 1 day. See, what i mean? It seem so far far far away. Like fairytales where they always start somewhere far far away, there live a prince. WAIT! Did i say fairytale? Uh-huh. Fiction. Just like waht i wanna do. FICTION.

Thats why i like Science fiction movies because its intriguing and mind-engaging. And they seem realistic and possible. Facts are FACTS. Facts that are twisted to bend around the mind of human beings. It just makes you feel smart.

Work is part of everyone life, no matter you like it or not. Well, take me for instance, my job is mundane and no-brainer. Its like my brain cells are dying, let me repeat dying of BOREDOM. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life.

I won;t say that i'll just see how everything works out and just let fate play me. Becos im not in the mood for games. And i've got a weak heart for jokes.

I wanna JOG JOG JOG! Sweat it out. It's been so long since i last had FUN exercising.
I miss my teammates. And basketball and the victorious feeling on court. I feel so in control.
Now i feel like a loser. I havent been winning for what seems like ages.

She's no monster

How do you top that?
LOVE HER
LOVE HER PERFORMANCE

No penny for my thought

Wasn't what i picture it'd be. Well, there's always the first. First aren't always the most beautiful. Its original and pure from my soul.

Human Nature

Ever rushed to a cubicle on an upset-churning tummy in an intense level where all you wanna do is to set your ass on a toilet bowl and just letting them loose; those unwanted toxic tools? I have to be honest, this is one feeling you can never get in other circumstances and its one helluva feeling of comfort.
But BUT let me just stop you right there. What if after all the realeasing of tools into the pool of already muddy basin of water, you found out there are no toilet sheets for you to clean up your ugly mess? That is indeed an ugly sight to look at. Not forgetting the pungent scent emmitting from the mess you created.
I hate it when that happens.
Well that was what happen. I mean what could i do rite? I prayed for someone to come in and the smell is choking me with every minute. Believe me, its toxic, EVEN if its YOUR toxic.
5 mins passed then 10 mins. I have to do something before my ass get glued to the seat due to inmobility of my ass.
I suck my gut, stood tall, shoulders back and head held high, I pulled up my panties and pants rushed out to the next cubicle. Lucky me, there are toilet sheets there or else i might have a stinky ass the whole day.
Anyway, my point is not about my panties getting stained and all the crap that i'd gone through just to get those sheets.
My point is, We, as human take things for granted.
I have always checked for toilet sheets when i wanna use the loo for any urgent or non-urgent reasons. It was my carelessness that caused me a stinky ass. I should have learnt from that incident but i have to embarassingly admit that, that wasn't the first.
The thing is the next few times i visit the loo, i DO check for toilet sheets before i decide on which cubicle to use. Sometimes i forgot to check and when i realise i didnt not, i prayed for those sheets to be where they are suppose to be. Sometimes NOT all the time but mostly, my prayers are answered.
This is one incident that i can afford to make the same mistake over and over again.
But there are some incidents where even if you prayed and hope and cry and wail, you'll never be saved.
Its not that the cleaners don't wanna refill the toilet sheets, it just happen that the world has run out of toilet sheets and all you can do is...
DEAL WITH IT and LIVE WITH IT

new year's resolution

Okay i have to say for the record. I don't keep to my resolutions ever time i make them.HAHA i just say them for the sake of saying.
BUT this time i'm gonna try to keep to it.
and that is (drumroll pls)

I'M GOING ON A DIET BABY!!!

original kfc chicken instead of crispy oily chicken
subway sandwishes instead of burgers
suana instead of exercising
nightmares instead of sweet dreams (does that help? i hoppe so)
what else??
oh!
diet coke
HAHAHHAHA
i'm gonna slim down for sure baby!

Denmark has talents baby!

these guys are just brilliant dancers and chereograghers. watch this video and you'll know what i mean. its lika a movie-like performance with excllent sound effects and visual satisfaction of entertainment. Its a 100% blast of creative in these performance. AMAZING.



every country has its own talent. Its time Singapore has one. I support local to the fullest! its a pity sylvia didn't win the singapore idol!