THE STORY BEGINS: chapter 1-hope in the lost future

Its time for a change.
Kind of sick of red. now i'm into gray. =)

it's story time.

this story describes a possible scenario of the nearing future. the future where almost all natural resources has been drained off and the selfish survival of the unfair society.

the sky was gray and still. no sunlight was able to penetrate through those thick
dark chemical clouds. poisonous gas circulating the environment. minimal oxygen were exchanged. life was a misery to all except the rich and government.

because of the menacing environment, animals could not survive, plants barely sprouting and human struggled to die. the harshness was unbearable yet wasn't merciless enough to kill. the government lived in a humongous enclosed land, well protected by the external. plants and animals were grown and nurtured in that enclosed land with artificial light and nutrients. these animals and plants were food to everyone. however, supplies were limited. food would be packed into cans to be distributed to the people in bulks.

people who worked in the government get to stay in that enclosed land, with fresh food everyday, a house and a healthy environment. children were pressured to study hard to get into the government so that the family could benefit from it. every year, the 5 smartest kids in the state will be recruited by the government. life as a commoner were horrible.there weren't many jobs left so all they could to was to wait for the guards from the government to sent food to them. they had the same food everyday. it was so meaningless to live.

finally, the exam for the search of the 5 smartest kids is approaching in a month time. and the people began to work hard to prepare themselves...

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It's yet another long post.

5th June. An inspirational day for me.
It was YVONNE'S restless concert and i saw something different and glowing in her.
It made me realise the pride, sweat, bittersweet happiness that she felt at that moment. Those dance moves were amazingly impressive; every strikes and steps were precise, glorious and beautiful.

Yvonne is one of my basketball teammate cum BFF and i must say she was a talented player. Who would have thought that she would choose the path of the upper class arts and be a dancer. I guess it came as a shock for most and the irritating doubt of the minority, of course. IT'S REALITY, what do you expect?

Everyone would wanna see you fall hard, with your for limbs spread out up facing the stunning despiseful glare of hollow eyes.

She went against all odds to do what she like. Treating herself as a transparency piece of selfless soul. Dancing with class, passion and freedom.
That would be what i wanna achieve; TO BE ABLE TO FEEL PROUD OF MYSELF AND DOINGS.

As the saying goes: life is short, live to the fullest. No time to waste.

I joined the orchestra because i really wanna perform and enjoy that moment of exploded excitement, joy and pride when the applause sound, covering up the whole hall like a stereo system. It's like you're the center of the earth. Its just indescribable.

But i don't wanna rush into it. I wanna taste every part of it in excruciating details.
I need a strong heartfelt pat that gives me courage.
I admit I'm a timid piece of shit in a weird shell which says fearless and adventurous. I n actual fact i hate to step out of my comfort zone.

I fear the doubtful stares. I fear the mean comments. I fear the rejection. And i fear the silent applause.

And then one day. I made up my mind to never regret and
JUST DO IT.
I tried performing in some events and it just made me feel empty and useless. Its just not the moment i thought i would experience. It was like i was irrelevant and insignificant. I DON'T WANNA BE IRRELEVANT AND INSIGNIFICANT.

So i have decided to practice hard. So peeps, swing by the strings room if you wanna look me up. I don't wanna play the wrong notes and make no difference or impact on the orchestra. I WANNA BE RELEVANT.

I WANNA BE A PERFORMER. A TRUE PROFESSIONAL.

thanks yvonne =) the inspiration was priceless. i hope you can choreograph a dance to my songs one day.

Some things i would LOVE to do one day

OKAY! It's time for upgrading. Time to post videos. I don't really know how to do it..so i hope it will work. Do i just embed it?

anyways.
I'l tell you about the video. It is not made by me, sadly. I wished actually. It's a very cool video. so cool that it made me wanna learn cinematography. If there's such a thing.
Idea may be simple but its good and it turned out, one of its kind.
so you see, SIMPLE IS GOOD!



ONE MORE THING!!!
I have to show anyone who's reading this VI-D-EO!!!!!
HAHAHHAHA I THINK ITS HILARIOUS! i love this guy. for those who don't know, he's kevjumba. The guy whom i expressed admiration once in the older post. I think he's funny, and he shows complete honesty. hahah



I too, wonder why the main lead for dragonball is white!??? WTF is this? The world is in a mess, a huge confusion. I think thats why the show just turns me off.

What a meaningless bang

What if you found out that thelifespan of our beloved Earth is nothing but the lifespan of a burning matchstick. From the time you strike it on fire and till it dies off. Its short ain't it?
Its like everything ignites and die off in an instant. Then we would have to worry, though ths "ignition" migt be considered long to us, its time may be out; it might just die off any minute.
This process is also known as the BIG BANG(which scientists love to refer as). And no it is not the popular korean band i'm refering to. The big bang will happen when Earth has reached its maximum lifespan and then with a blast, eveything would be destroyed, leaving us in dust.

It's the same for life. We are born, we live for a while-happy moments, sad moments, awful moments. and then we die.

No one can tell us the purpose for living.

What is the whole purpose of living things anyway ? To live together in Earth with a mutual relationship maintained by eating each other for survival? What is the whole point of living when we have to die anyway? What is the prupose of even having discoveries when it is left behind on Earth to be passed down from generations to generations and then of course newer discoveries again for future generations and the cycle goes on; for what?

Okay some of you might be confused by now. You see, what i'm trying to say is. Some of you may say that the purpose of life is to experience and learn. Thats how knowledge is passed down, whatever we do now is for the future. You see, everything has an end. So what will happen when humankind extinct?

A new species will pop out? And then what? That species will go through the same thing? Maybe make discoveres or even rediscovering what we have discovered. Its like history repeating itself, only difference is they don't ever know that this history even existed. It's like a computer system. It reboots itself, regenerating ever process all over again from the beginning.

Sometimes i'll unbelievably believe that there is such a thing as matrix. Though it sounds corny.
You know what, who knows?
MAYBE ITS TRUE.

Pardon me if this post sounds absurd or meaningless, cos i don't realy know what i'm saying myself. HAAH
I just hate the crap of people telling me to get a purpose in life when i don't find any.

LATENESS STINKS

I have a new resolution. I know its abit late for the year but who says i can't have it anytime i want. Okay that is to never be late again. I know it sounds impossible. And for those who knows me are gonna think its some knd of joke and that i just say it for the sake of it because i've been saying about it for so long and never once keep to it.

You know what. It takes time. To me improvement is something that i'll work towards. As long as i'm getting earlier for every appointment its fine thenone da i'm gonna be punctual!!! Lateness do really stinks. It just mak people think that i don't care, lazy and that i take things for granted. Let me tell you this, HELL NO, I DO CARE. so you know what, don't ever assume that those freakng adjectives reflect lateness, because they are two different matters.

Don't you know what is a habit!!?? It has nothing to do with laziness and nonchalent behaviours if you must know, lateness is a habit and it cannot be changed in a month, what more a day!?
However i have to admit its a bad habit that comes with a heavy price.

Why do i say that?

look at these:
1. piano exam
2.sentosa job
3.almost got debarred
4.wrong impression of my personality
5.even i hate myself

All these happened because i was late. I lost them and i feel like killing myself!! But of course i won't. I'm scared and i'm a coward to even swallow sleeping pills. (i'd always fear that i would sleep through my life if i swallowed them.)

So that is why i've decided to get rid of that haunting habit. Its geting on my nerve cos its sticking to me like i'm honey. you know what you pestering piece of shit, go find somewhere else to shit on.

Oh and i can't say for sure that i'll never be late again in my life but I'LL TRY. And stop forcing or threatening me to treat as a punishment if i'm late, cos it has no effect and i'll get irritated. I don't know why. And please don't doubt me, this piece of shit has been my best buddy ever since i was born and its f!#%ing hard to ditch it away. =)

this blog has OFFICIALLY revived.

Man...its been so long since i last blogged. i don't have much to blog about. been busy with exams and now...life?
i've been watching these youtube videos of this guy, kevjumba. its entertaining and this guy is really interesting!! i love the way he talks, though it looks lame, it really does leave you hanging with questions that you never really asked yourself about.

My plans for the future.

1. i wanna go to NTU.
2. get some certs needed for the admission of NTU.
3. go overseas with my friends. pris, sy, tz, our plan to taiwan, is it still on?
4. sleep by 12am. i've been having this really bad habit of sleeping at 5 or sometimes even 7!! and i feel so so so unhealthy, its like i'm dying, my body clock is all messed up. and i can't really think well.

Thats all for now.

OH AND I HAVE TO GET A JOB!!! OR I'M GONNA BE BROKE COS MY MOM IS TRYING TO FORCE ME TO GET A JOB BY NOT GIVING ME MY ALLOWANCE!!!

Is there ever compensation in imperfection?

Has humanity taught us to respect everyone for who they are? I truly doubt so.

As the saying goes, never judge a book by its cover. However, in this realistic, fast paced and cruel world, we will never ever get to see that displayed in action.

Because the fact is, Beauty is an advantage.
If you don't look as good, you have to work doubly hard.
I'm not saying that nobody will like you if you don't possess the looks. It's just that it takes more time for people to understand you and discover your good points. But honestly, who has the time?

Even in an interview, they give you five minutes to introduce yourself and off you go. What can five freaking minute say about you? Your name? Your nervous state of mind? And of course the looks of yours!?

The bottom line is; when you don't look as good, you can't afford to be dumb, to be whiney, and to be weak.
I know you hate this world with all the reality checks they smacks us awake and reminding us that we are still alive but what can we do?

However I'm not saying that looks is everything. We can't condemn anyone based on looks. However the bitter truth is BEAUTY is an advantage over intellectual when it is in account of the first impression.
Good things always make people feel happy.

Let me describe a scenario for you. Imagine you're at a beach and there’s a lady in a bikini with tattoo all over her body. What will you think of her?
Cool? Rebellious? Loose?

You see.we judge.

The fact is, when she was young, her stepfather harassed her, and always taking advantage of her. But her stepfather has a weakness-he hates tattoo. Everytime her stepfather touches her, she will tattoo that spot. As time goes by, her whole body is covered with tattoo and he never wanted to touch her anymore.
Now tell me what do you think of her?

You see there is a reason behind everything everyone does.
It’s your choice to find out or to just live in a life of your ignorant judgement.

What I'm trying to say is we really got to spend time understanding the people around us before we end up alone.
If you’re a busy person, be sure you stop, and feel the humanity side of the world.
Because not everything is as beautiful as you think it is.