mission of engraved words

I love me some music.

2011-07-07T03:26:00.000-07:00

What a great rendition. It's like a whole new song.

I'm trying to support good music but it's hard when i'm broke. Sorry Ingrid, i might just have to have you through illegal means.

A NEW BEGINNING

2011-06-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

I finally got into a school. Lasalle School of Arts. Yes i know, it's an expensive school and not a very impressive one, given the fees. I honestly dont know wht to say. Overall, there is no good art school in Singapore. Lasalle is the closest you could get.
Im not demeaning Lasalle. In fact, i am grateful to them. Lasalle has just given me hope.
I have a tentative plan in my mind. Cant say it out just yet. But im definetly gonna push for it to happen. Hopefully it does.
Im just excited for school. This is the first time in my life, i am excited for school.

This time, im putting in my life. Dont want to fuck it up like how i always do.

It all turns into Memories

2010-12-15T17:45:00.000-08:00

I am so packed with emotions right now. It kinda hurts and it makes it hard for my heart to beat and pump blood normally into my brains.
I can't seem to control my brain right now. Watery substance is infiltrating my eyes, diluting my visions, flowing out imensely, leaving wet trails on my face and finally entered my mouth.
The salty, watery taste stung me. Made me realised that it all happened way to soon for us to even grasp.
Somehow i know, these goodbyes would build me and yet they are taking a part of me away with them. I'm losing parts of me which i'm willing to give. This is how it feels when you have given your genuine care, love and feelings to them. I practically threw it out there.
Especially, my best crazy encounter with Lila. I love her! and I will miss her like crazy.
I really really hope the best for her. I know all of us would cry but we'll all move on and that sucks cos that is when everything turns into memories.
The best decision i have ever made in life is to come to Finland.
I met the most wonderful people here. I feel alive and charged here.
It gave me courage.
I don't want to say goodbye.

Oops I did it again

2010-11-16T23:39:00.000-08:00

Oh Fuck me.
I can't beleive i did it again.
Going late for a test!? What the hell was i thinking!?
I hate myself for so many reasons and this is definitely one of the reasons why.
I am hating myself right now.
Fuck you Spears

Love = Life

2010-11-05T00:45:00.000-07:00

'It doesn't matter who you love as long as you have love in your life.'
Laurel Holloman

How many people can truly live by that? Honestly. It takes too much courage.
Loving someone who hurts you.
Loving someone who seems wrong to anyone.
Loving someone who's dying.
Loving someone who's of the same sex.
Loving someone who's wrong for you.

Nobody know's what's right what's wrong. Choose the path with less regrets.
And i guess it all boils down to one question.

Do you love that someone?

Anyway Laurel Holloman plays Tina in the L word.
It's a great show. Such a meaningful show to advocate the 'different' people.
Really all of us are just human and we should love each other.
What's wrong with being gay?
I advocate them and i am a supporter of their love. :)

I love acoustic

2010-09-29T17:15:00.001-07:00

If i die young

2010-09-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh oh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I’ve never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls

Story behind the song

Alone in the crowd.

2010-09-28T13:52:00.000-07:00

There are some days where i thought i might like you and some days where i would think about you. But i never pictured me with you.
'US' is too much for me.
It's like i don't feel that i am enough for you.
I know i never told you so how do i expect you to know what i feel towards you.
And yet i expected.
It's silly. I don't even want to talk to you because i know i will be talking to myself.
It's nothing but my mind made it something.
It's actually that simple.
There were never anything. Just the hoaxing of my mind.
I don't think i will ever tell you.
I might not even like you at all.
This is not even confusion that i'm experiencing.
This is loneliness yearnng for company but loneliness is meant to be alone.
That is why i feel this way because i am supposed to.
i have people around me and yet i feel alone.
It shouldn't be this way.
It shouldn't be.
This is not depressing, just realisation taking it's natural course of path.
I'm not depressed, just understanding me.

I didn't mean to ruin the little girl's dream

2010-08-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

Something happened on Sunday night that made me realise that there are more that matters than me myself.
I feel like a total idiot.
I shall describe the courses of event.
It was about 820pm and already i was anticipating for my release of work at 9pm. A Indian family of 3 came by. Dad, Mom and daughter. They were interested in a considerably cheap keyboard. I was keen on closing the deal so i painted a brilliant picture of how useful and good this keyboard would be as an investment.
Whatever they requested, like delivery and a free stand, i agreed to it.
DAMN was i selfish.
I wasn't even sure about the delivery process and the FOC of stuffs that come along with the keyboard and i freakin' agreed to them blindly.
Dad took out his credit card and yay! i close the freakin' deal, only to realise that i was wrong. There were no free delivery and stand.
Little girl was asked to play the keyboard the whole time. She seemed rather unwilling with the frowned eyebrows and pouted lips.
I had to correct myself infront of them and they were upset. I couldn;t explain myself. All i did was apologised.
To no avail of course, eventually they left.
I was kinda mad both at myself and them. Myself: becos i got everything messed up. Them: becos i felt like i huniliated myself. I mean i've apologised the whole way till they left unhappy!
Then there were approximately 10mins before i could leave. I spaced out in my own thoughts, taking a ride back down memory lane.
When i was younger, maybe around 10.
I've always liked the piano. Fascinated by how it could be played, and the beautiful melody that one could play based on their mood. I've always wanted to be able to play out tunes that could keep my emotions accompanied.
My dad used to ask me if i would wanna learn the piano. Of course i want to but i said no. I guess i was afraid that i am not good enough for the piano. Know what i mean? It's hard to explain why i think that way.
So when he brought me to stores that sells piano in it, he never told me to try out the piano cos he always thought that i didn;t like the piano.
I always looked on at the piano intently, esp when there would be other kids who would sit on the piano bench and hastily play out a nursery tune. Even nursery tune would make me go wide eyed-opened jaw. no kidding.
I never had a piano.
OMG, It was Dejavu. And it daunted me that i had ruined that girl's dream. A dream that i killed even before it could sprout out to its potential being. How sucky was i? I never meant for it to end this way.
Now i'm sincerely remorseful for my greed.
I'm sorry.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVONNE

2010-07-07T19:38:00.001-07:00

I KNOW IT'S LATE!!

It doesn't make sense

2010-06-25T02:18:00.000-07:00

The road ahead

2010-06-15T03:18:00.000-07:00

When life is going downhill, you go along with it. You know why? I mean what other route is there? If the road ahead is a downhill, you have to go towards it and what can I say, I always prefer the downhill because it’s so much easier.

Against all odds

2010-06-13T00:46:00.000-07:00

This is the an all time favouraite for me. It'll brace through centuries and still be the best of all times.
OMG when the sax player came in, it blew me away. And when the song ended, it took a piece of me away as the music fades.
What impact! Madness.
Phil Collins wrote this song for his wife whom left him because of his negligence. What a romantic chap. I'll die for someone like that.:)

Find your grail

2010-05-26T01:09:00.001-07:00

When Dr Torres says FIND YOUR GRAIL how can you not???
And she's one helluva singer!

The OLD-PEOPLE lecture of thoughts

2010-05-24T03:08:00.000-07:00

I can't help but feel old. I kinda don't see where my life is going.

You know, I've got all these ideas of what i wanna do but all of them seem so far fetched. I'm gonna be a script writer. Write awesome scripts. I wanna see my script on the large screen 1 day. See, what i mean? It seem so far far far away. Like fairytales where they always start somewhere far far away, there live a prince. WAIT! Did i say fairytale? Uh-huh. Fiction. Just like waht i wanna do. FICTION.

Thats why i like Science fiction movies because its intriguing and mind-engaging. And they seem realistic and possible. Facts are FACTS. Facts that are twisted to bend around the mind of human beings. It just makes you feel smart.

Work is part of everyone life, no matter you like it or not. Well, take me for instance, my job is mundane and no-brainer. Its like my brain cells are dying, let me repeat dying of BOREDOM. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life.

I won;t say that i'll just see how everything works out and just let fate play me. Becos im not in the mood for games. And i've got a weak heart for jokes.

I wanna JOG JOG JOG! Sweat it out. It's been so long since i last had FUN exercising.
I miss my teammates. And basketball and the victorious feeling on court. I feel so in control.
Now i feel like a loser. I havent been winning for what seems like ages.

She's no monster

2010-04-08T01:01:00.000-07:00

How do you top that?
LOVE HER
LOVE HER PERFORMANCE

No penny for my thought

2010-04-05T02:48:00.000-07:00

Wasn't what i picture it'd be. Well, there's always the first. First aren't always the most beautiful. Its original and pure from my soul.

Human Nature

2010-04-05T00:16:00.000-07:00

Ever rushed to a cubicle on an upset-churning tummy in an intense level where all you wanna do is to set your ass on a toilet bowl and just letting them loose; those unwanted toxic tools? I have to be honest, this is one feeling you can never get in other circumstances and its one helluva feeling of comfort.
But BUT let me just stop you right there. What if after all the realeasing of tools into the pool of already muddy basin of water, you found out there are no toilet sheets for you to clean up your ugly mess? That is indeed an ugly sight to look at. Not forgetting the pungent scent emmitting from the mess you created.
I hate it when that happens.
Well that was what happen. I mean what could i do rite? I prayed for someone to come in and the smell is choking me with every minute. Believe me, its toxic, EVEN if its YOUR toxic.
5 mins passed then 10 mins. I have to do something before my ass get glued to the seat due to inmobility of my ass.
I suck my gut, stood tall, shoulders back and head held high, I pulled up my panties and pants rushed out to the next cubicle. Lucky me, there are toilet sheets there or else i might have a stinky ass the whole day.
Anyway, my point is not about my panties getting stained and all the crap that i'd gone through just to get those sheets.
My point is, We, as human take things for granted.
I have always checked for toilet sheets when i wanna use the loo for any urgent or non-urgent reasons. It was my carelessness that caused me a stinky ass. I should have learnt from that incident but i have to embarassingly admit that, that wasn't the first.
The thing is the next few times i visit the loo, i DO check for toilet sheets before i decide on which cubicle to use. Sometimes i forgot to check and when i realise i didnt not, i prayed for those sheets to be where they are suppose to be. Sometimes NOT all the time but mostly, my prayers are answered.
This is one incident that i can afford to make the same mistake over and over again.
But there are some incidents where even if you prayed and hope and cry and wail, you'll never be saved.
Its not that the cleaners don't wanna refill the toilet sheets, it just happen that the world has run out of toilet sheets and all you can do is...
DEAL WITH IT and LIVE WITH IT

new year's resolution

2010-01-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

Okay i have to say for the record. I don't keep to my resolutions ever time i make them.HAHA i just say them for the sake of saying.
BUT this time i'm gonna try to keep to it.
and that is (drumroll pls)

I'M GOING ON A DIET BABY!!!

original kfc chicken instead of crispy oily chicken
subway sandwishes instead of burgers
suana instead of exercising
nightmares instead of sweet dreams (does that help? i hoppe so)
what else??
oh!
diet coke
HAHAHHAHA
i'm gonna slim down for sure baby!

Denmark has talents baby!

2010-01-02T11:35:00.000-08:00

these guys are just brilliant dancers and chereograghers. watch this video and you'll know what i mean. its lika a movie-like performance with excllent sound effects and visual satisfaction of entertainment. Its a 100% blast of creative in these performance. AMAZING.

every country has its own talent. Its time Singapore has one. I support local to the fullest! its a pity sylvia didn't win the singapore idol!

Eminem lose yourself COVER!

2009-12-03T09:20:00.000-08:00

Madness

OASIS

2009-12-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

ONE OF THE GREATEST SONG

Hold up!
Hold on!
Don't be scared,
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile, (may your smile)
Shine on, (shine on)
Don't be scared, (don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm,

'Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday,
Take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out

Get up, (get up)
Come on, (come on)
Why you scared? (I'm not scared...)
You'll never change what's been and gone

'Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them some day,
Take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out

'Cause all of the stars,
Have faded away
Just try not to worry,
You'll see them someday.
Just take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out

We're all of the stars,
We're fading away.
Just try not to worry,
You'll see us someday.
Just take what you need,
And be on your way and
Stop crying your heart out... [4x]

2009-10-05T12:29:00.000-07:00

I should really start writing down the things i do everyday, then i will know how meaningless my life is.
I need purpose. NOW.
Because i don't see anything meaningful about the industry that i most propably would be stepping in.
Which is, by the way, depressing.

I LOVE PRISON BREAK THIS MUCH!!!

2009-09-13T09:15:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it, i was surfing youtube and i found this! HAHAHAH I LOVE IT! It's crazily awesome. check it out:

2009-08-09T08:03:00.000-07:00

WHEN KIDS TRY TO BE ADULTS, THIS IS WHAT YOU GET.
HAHAH

THIS IS ONE GREEDY BUT HONEST KID.

this is what i call PERFORMING!!

2009-07-31T08:48:00.000-07:00

I LOVE ACOUSTIC MUSIC

2009-07-24T08:04:00.000-07:00

boyceavenue actually made it. they got a record deal after putting their songs on myspace. Seriously, they are good!

fundamentals of life

2009-07-18T23:14:00.000-07:00

I got this story in my email and felt that its enriching how much a story can tell and relate to life.

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Kevjumba

2009-07-08T09:40:00.000-07:00

This video makes me smile!

MJ post

2009-07-08T09:18:00.001-07:00

What is wrong with people??? At first when Michael Jackson was alive, everyone took him as a joke. Making fun of him as a Wacko Jackco, a molester, a freak and more mean stuffs..

Now that he's gone, everyone just wanna be part of it. At the MJ memorial service, lots of artistes went up there to say their last words. But i truly wonder if that is what they really thought of him?? Or is it just guilt, because when he was alive, they doubted his innocence.

Of course, i'm not saying that all of them are like that. There are some who really loved him and were really privileged to be loved by him.

I really wished i had a chance to see him live on stage. It has to be phenomenal!! It would be an honour to just know him. RIP.

MEDIA OWES HIM BIG TIME. ALL THEY EVER DID WAS TO HARM HIM. ARE YOU SURE THAT NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT MJ ARE WHAT PEOPLE WANNA READ??

ARE WE THAT CRUEL AS A HUMAN BEING??

this is crap. FINALLY he's free from all this bullshit.

FOR ALL MY FRIENDS

2009-07-03T10:59:00.000-07:00

There some people whom i just don't wanna have any relation with. I'm a judgemental person which expains my few friends. ahahha but i'm totally fine with it!
I do love and care for those whom i consider friends even if they doesn't feel the same way back.

UNITY BASKETBALL TEAM

BEST TEAM EVER!
I had the best moments of my secondary school life with them. We went through so much together. I gotta say, this is one unique team.

#13 Heeday: Had lotsa fun with this girl. i'm so glad we still keep in contact after we graduated! Though we're all very busy now!!! LOVE HER!

#15 Shi yah: A talented player. Great center.! All the best for her future =)

#8 Jing ni #5 Caiyan and Suk khwan: I really do think they are sweet and nice people. =) I'll be there for them if they ever need me.

#14 Irene #12 Jessica: These two logger heads always gave me a headache. Hahaha hilarious moments on court. Quarrelled with jessica while dribbling the ball up and also fighting while running back for defense. HAHAH LOVE IT! Irene's one good player. Seriously. Kind of a emo-cool girl. Interesting. =)

#6 Nessa. Best defender and rebounder i ever met. haahah. so glad she got into NYP. Gotta meet her often cos i don't really see much of her in school. LOVE HER.

#7 Yvonne: My best friend and partner on court =) BFFFFFF! ahhahaha LOVES

#11 Priscilla: My best friend=)) BFFFFF! ahhaha LOVES

#4 Adeline: Didn't really talk to her much but i know she's doing fine=)

I MISS THE THAILAND TRIP WE HAD!!!

(i'm not quite sure with the jersey nos. cos it was so long back!)

#4 small Yvonne #8 Huda #10 Renee #13 Wani: MY JUNIORS!. though i don't really hang around much with them. I still love them. Memorable times we shared.

#6 Jocelyn: People might have the wrong impresion of her at first sight but i think she is actually a sweet girl. A pity i didn't get to know her better but she is a hardworking player.

#9 Aileen: Worked really hard to get into the team and finally did with her designated no. 9!

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER

Known them since sec 1!! HAHAHHAH I think i was a bully in this group =). AINA was my most targetted victim in unity. ahhaha so easy to bully.

AINA (top left): She's the true loser whom always calls me a loser. HAHAH Porn star in thailand. ahhaha stripped for the nurses ahahhahah. okay she's gonna hate me for this but who cares.

ASHILAH (right): I don't get what she's saying most of the time ahhaha. she's a confusing person. ahhah Come on girl! go get a job.!! Sorry tahat we didn't really do much for your birthday. I promise we'll make it up to you!!!! FORGIVE US DEAREST ASHILAH!!!!

PRISCILLA (middle): I used to bully her in class too but she's too obssessed with studies which is driving us insane! We don't get to meet up much because of A's Hope she'll do well!! =)

Known them since sec 1 too. Same class during sec 1 and 2. We had lotsa fun in class.Really glad that we're still together!!! LOVE THEM SO. We're the supportive BFFs ahahha.

XueYi (red shirt): No worries man, you're gonna make it! Trust me!!! Honestly, you're a good singer. HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF!!!

Zahidah (longsleeve): This is one crazy bitch ahahha but i love her!!! A great friend. BUT PLEASE STOP SMOKING!!! hahahah

Yvonne (white shirt): LOVE HER. She's always there for me. Even if we quarrelled. I feel terrible because of the way i treated her during my childish days ahahha. You know you can count on me for anything. Just call me anytime and i'll be there. (oh man. this reminds me of MJ's i'll be there)

I don't have much of their pics!! Gotta take some with my phone the next time!
Really love them so much!

Including EULYNN and HUAN QING. (no pics with them)
Eulynn is the nicest girl i ever met ahahhahah. No kidding. ou gotta know her for yourselves.

Never thought that i could find true friends in poly. But they proved me wrong. Hahahah.

Though i don't show. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU GUYS RITE!!??? =)))

Christine: Hey buddy. you seem very stressed and upset for the past few week. Anything you wanna share??? Call me k?? Anytime!!! hahahah Gotta relax, look at the positiv part of life!!!

Can't lose any of them. No matter what, i'll be there for them. Its a promise i made to myself.

STRINGS MATES
Adele: She's a great friend with great talent in music. Truely admire her. But i don't think we can ever work together in music. She's too good. ahhahah Gotta work a lifetime to be able to work with her.

Queenie and Angela:Crazy juniors. ahhah I think we're gonna have lotsa fun tgt!!

Jeremy: though we always bully him. I guess he knows we still love him ahhaha.

Ridwan: love him.!! Respect him. hahahah Great president!! Haven't been hanging out with him much lately. He's too busy with his workload!!!

Phileo: I like this guy. He's a quiet and nice guy yet interesting! hahaha love his hair!! (I LOVE NICK JONAS!!!) I actually admire him. Hope to know him better then we can hangout more often, do some music. BUT HE"S A MAN WITH FEW WORDS!! i'm not very good with music YET, have a lot to learn from him!!!

Cherie: A great girl. hahah Love her. Great singer too. Hope to learn more from her.

Haida: LOVE HER!!! She's one friend that i can really have fun with =)))

Love them all. Hope to get to know the others better too!!!=))

SUBBERS (SUBWAY)

I think i made some GREAT friends there. Though all of them that i really like are leaving. So sad!!!

VALERIE, SHAO AND NITHIYA are people whom i really wanna stay in contact with! They are such nice people!!

Never really thought that there would be such nice people there especially there are so many nasty people in subway!!! HATE THEM!! Really dread working with them.

TRAVEL THE WORLD TGT!!!!

Valerie: Your might say some things taht hurt you. Like you're not a worthy investment part. I fell for you!!! But i'm sure you know she LOVES you!!! Believe in yourself my friend!!!

Nithiya and Shao are now in other parts of the world and i miss them!!! They are such nice people. I promise i'll visit you guys there in the states and australia. TAKE CARE!!!

STAY IN CONTACT K???!!!

ALL THE BEST TO YOU GUYS.

CALL ME UP FOR ANYTHING!! YOU KNOW I'M FRIENDY HAHAHAH=)))

THE STORY BEGINS: chapter 1-hope in the lost future

2009-06-21T12:46:00.000-07:00

Its time for a change.
Kind of sick of red. now i'm into gray. =)

it's story time.

this story describes a possible scenario of the nearing future. the future where almost all natural resources has been drained off and the selfish survival of the unfair society.

the sky was gray and still. no sunlight was able to penetrate through those thick
dark chemical clouds. poisonous gas circulating the environment. minimal oxygen were exchanged. life was a misery to all except the rich and government.

because of the menacing environment, animals could not survive, plants barely sprouting and human struggled to die. the harshness was unbearable yet wasn't merciless enough to kill. the government lived in a humongous enclosed land, well protected by the external. plants and animals were grown and nurtured in that enclosed land with artificial light and nutrients. these animals and plants were food to everyone. however, supplies were limited. food would be packed into cans to be distributed to the people in bulks.

people who worked in the government get to stay in that enclosed land, with fresh food everyday, a house and a healthy environment. children were pressured to study hard to get into the government so that the family could benefit from it. every year, the 5 smartest kids in the state will be recruited by the government. life as a commoner were horrible.there weren't many jobs left so all they could to was to wait for the guards from the government to sent food to them. they had the same food everyday. it was so meaningless to live.

finally, the exam for the search of the 5 smartest kids is approaching in a month time. and the people began to work hard to prepare themselves...

---------------------------TOBECONTINUED---------------------------------------------

It's yet another long post.

2009-06-07T09:29:00.000-07:00

5th June. An inspirational day for me.
It was YVONNE'S restless concert and i saw something different and glowing in her.
It made me realise the pride, sweat, bittersweet happiness that she felt at that moment. Those dance moves were amazingly impressive; every strikes and steps were precise, glorious and beautiful.

Yvonne is one of my basketball teammate cum BFF and i must say she was a talented player. Who would have thought that she would choose the path of the upper class arts and be a dancer. I guess it came as a shock for most and the irritating doubt of the minority, of course. IT'S REALITY, what do you expect?

Everyone would wanna see you fall hard, with your for limbs spread out up facing the stunning despiseful glare of hollow eyes.

She went against all odds to do what she like. Treating herself as a transparency piece of selfless soul. Dancing with class, passion and freedom.
That would be what i wanna achieve; TO BE ABLE TO FEEL PROUD OF MYSELF AND DOINGS.

As the saying goes: life is short, live to the fullest. No time to waste.

I joined the orchestra because i really wanna perform and enjoy that moment of exploded excitement, joy and pride when the applause sound, covering up the whole hall like a stereo system. It's like you're the center of the earth. Its just indescribable.

But i don't wanna rush into it. I wanna taste every part of it in excruciating details.
I need a strong heartfelt pat that gives me courage.
I admit I'm a timid piece of shit in a weird shell which says fearless and adventurous. I n actual fact i hate to step out of my comfort zone.

I fear the doubtful stares. I fear the mean comments. I fear the rejection. And i fear the silent applause.

And then one day. I made up my mind to never regret and
JUST DO IT.
I tried performing in some events and it just made me feel empty and useless. Its just not the moment i thought i would experience. It was like i was irrelevant and insignificant. I DON'T WANNA BE IRRELEVANT AND INSIGNIFICANT.

So i have decided to practice hard. So peeps, swing by the strings room if you wanna look me up. I don't wanna play the wrong notes and make no difference or impact on the orchestra. I WANNA BE RELEVANT.

I WANNA BE A PERFORMER. A TRUE PROFESSIONAL.

thanks yvonne =) the inspiration was priceless. i hope you can choreograph a dance to my songs one day.

Some things i would LOVE to do one day

2009-04-19T13:26:00.001-07:00

OKAY! It's time for upgrading. Time to post videos. I don't really know how to do it..so i hope it will work. Do i just embed it?

anyways.
I'l tell you about the video. It is not made by me, sadly. I wished actually. It's a very cool video. so cool that it made me wanna learn cinematography. If there's such a thing.
Idea may be simple but its good and it turned out, one of its kind.
so you see, SIMPLE IS GOOD!

ONE MORE THING!!!
I have to show anyone who's reading this VI-D-EO!!!!!
HAHAHHAHA I THINK ITS HILARIOUS! i love this guy. for those who don't know, he's kevjumba. The guy whom i expressed admiration once in the older post. I think he's funny, and he shows complete honesty. hahah

I too, wonder why the main lead for dragonball is white!??? WTF is this? The world is in a mess, a huge confusion. I think thats why the show just turns me off.

What a meaningless bang

2009-03-10T06:06:00.000-07:00

What if you found out that thelifespan of our beloved Earth is nothing but the lifespan of a burning matchstick. From the time you strike it on fire and till it dies off. Its short ain't it?
Its like everything ignites and die off in an instant. Then we would have to worry, though ths "ignition" migt be considered long to us, its time may be out; it might just die off any minute.
This process is also known as the BIG BANG(which scientists love to refer as). And no it is not the popular korean band i'm refering to. The big bang will happen when Earth has reached its maximum lifespan and then with a blast, eveything would be destroyed, leaving us in dust.

It's the same for life. We are born, we live for a while-happy moments, sad moments, awful moments. and then we die.

No one can tell us the purpose for living.

What is the whole purpose of living things anyway ? To live together in Earth with a mutual relationship maintained by eating each other for survival? What is the whole point of living when we have to die anyway? What is the prupose of even having discoveries when it is left behind on Earth to be passed down from generations to generations and then of course newer discoveries again for future generations and the cycle goes on; for what?

Okay some of you might be confused by now. You see, what i'm trying to say is. Some of you may say that the purpose of life is to experience and learn. Thats how knowledge is passed down, whatever we do now is for the future. You see, everything has an end. So what will happen when humankind extinct?

A new species will pop out? And then what? That species will go through the same thing? Maybe make discoveres or even rediscovering what we have discovered. Its like history repeating itself, only difference is they don't ever know that this history even existed. It's like a computer system. It reboots itself, regenerating ever process all over again from the beginning.

Sometimes i'll unbelievably believe that there is such a thing as matrix. Though it sounds corny.
You know what, who knows?
MAYBE ITS TRUE.

Pardon me if this post sounds absurd or meaningless, cos i don't realy know what i'm saying myself. HAAH
I just hate the crap of people telling me to get a purpose in life when i don't find any.

LATENESS STINKS

2009-03-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

I have a new resolution. I know its abit late for the year but who says i can't have it anytime i want. Okay that is to never be late again. I know it sounds impossible. And for those who knows me are gonna think its some knd of joke and that i just say it for the sake of it because i've been saying about it for so long and never once keep to it.

You know what. It takes time. To me improvement is something that i'll work towards. As long as i'm getting earlier for every appointment its fine thenone da i'm gonna be punctual!!! Lateness do really stinks. It just mak people think that i don't care, lazy and that i take things for granted. Let me tell you this, HELL NO, I DO CARE. so you know what, don't ever assume that those freakng adjectives reflect lateness, because they are two different matters.

Don't you know what is a habit!!?? It has nothing to do with laziness and nonchalent behaviours if you must know, lateness is a habit and it cannot be changed in a month, what more a day!?
However i have to admit its a bad habit that comes with a heavy price.

Why do i say that?

look at these:
1. piano exam
2.sentosa job
3.almost got debarred
4.wrong impression of my personality
5.even i hate myself

All these happened because i was late. I lost them and i feel like killing myself!! But of course i won't. I'm scared and i'm a coward to even swallow sleeping pills. (i'd always fear that i would sleep through my life if i swallowed them.)

So that is why i've decided to get rid of that haunting habit. Its geting on my nerve cos its sticking to me like i'm honey. you know what you pestering piece of shit, go find somewhere else to shit on.

Oh and i can't say for sure that i'll never be late again in my life but I'LL TRY. And stop forcing or threatening me to treat as a punishment if i'm late, cos it has no effect and i'll get irritated. I don't know why. And please don't doubt me, this piece of shit has been my best buddy ever since i was born and its f!#%ing hard to ditch it away. =)

this blog has OFFICIALLY revived.

2009-03-01T12:20:00.000-08:00

Man...its been so long since i last blogged. i don't have much to blog about. been busy with exams and now...life?
i've been watching these youtube videos of this guy, kevjumba. its entertaining and this guy is really interesting!! i love the way he talks, though it looks lame, it really does leave you hanging with questions that you never really asked yourself about.

My plans for the future.

i wanna go to NTU.
get some certs needed for the admission of NTU.
go overseas with my friends. pris, sy, tz, our plan to taiwan, is it still on?
sleep by 12am. i've been having this really bad habit of sleeping at 5 or sometimes even 7!! and i feel so so so unhealthy, its like i'm dying, my body clock is all messed up. and i can't really think well.

Thats all for now.

OH AND I HAVE TO GET A JOB!!! OR I'M GONNA BE BROKE COS MY MOM IS TRYING TO FORCE ME TO GET A JOB BY NOT GIVING ME MY ALLOWANCE!!!

Is there ever compensation in imperfection?

2008-11-08T07:17:00.000-08:00

Has humanity taught us to respect everyone for who they are? I truly doubt so.

As the saying goes, never judge a book by its cover. However, in this realistic, fast paced and cruel world, we will never ever get to see that displayed in action.

Because the fact is, Beauty is an advantage.
If you don't look as good, you have to work doubly hard.
I'm not saying that nobody will like you if you don't possess the looks. It's just that it takes more time for people to understand you and discover your good points. But honestly, who has the time?

Even in an interview, they give you five minutes to introduce yourself and off you go. What can five freaking minute say about you? Your name? Your nervous state of mind? And of course the looks of yours!?

The bottom line is; when you don't look as good, you can't afford to be dumb, to be whiney, and to be weak.
I know you hate this world with all the reality checks they smacks us awake and reminding us that we are still alive but what can we do?

However I'm not saying that looks is everything. We can't condemn anyone based on looks. However the bitter truth is BEAUTY is an advantage over intellectual when it is in account of the first impression.
Good things always make people feel happy.

Let me describe a scenario for you. Imagine you're at a beach and there’s a lady in a bikini with tattoo all over her body. What will you think of her?
Cool? Rebellious? Loose?

You see.we judge.

The fact is, when she was young, her stepfather harassed her, and always taking advantage of her. But her stepfather has a weakness-he hates tattoo. Everytime her stepfather touches her, she will tattoo that spot. As time goes by, her whole body is covered with tattoo and he never wanted to touch her anymore.
Now tell me what do you think of her?

You see there is a reason behind everything everyone does.
It’s your choice to find out or to just live in a life of your ignorant judgement.

What I'm trying to say is we really got to spend time understanding the people around us before we end up alone.
If you’re a busy person, be sure you stop, and feel the humanity side of the world.
Because not everything is as beautiful as you think it is.

i'm dragging my faith

2008-11-02T07:14:00.000-08:00

i really don't know what to blog about.
But i got to let this out because its unbearable and its haunting me like i'm some kind of a pastime hobby. every now and then.

That day after my performance, its like i'm suffering from some kind of aftermath. After my friends left and i watch the band perform.

i felt empty. i'm empty.
i don't know how to describe this.

the next day. i'm like a living dead.
it feels like i'm drowning with my head above the water.

i see people walking everywhere. and i just need some peace at fort.
i don't know what to expect from this. i don't even know what i want.
i'm blinded by the emotions i feel.
and even numb to the feelings i loved.

i'm ground-footed. everything's changing and i'm still clinging on stubbornly to the glimpse of hope my hallucination had created.

some kind of crappy joke of the year.

i bet i'll walk myself out of this.
for now, i'm epmty.

a chain of thought.

2008-10-23T03:03:00.000-07:00

Why do mankind always have the thought of conquering??
Why are we made selfish and greedy?
Is it really out of self defence or pure self satisfaction?

Nobody said it was wrong to think either way.

We start learning to be selfish since the day we were born, when nobody ever taught us that.
Remembered the times when my mom asked me to share the chocolates, that she bought for us, with my siblings, I’d argue to have the bar for myself, or at least the largest piece to myself.

Consider sacrificing for loved one selfless, NOT.
We always do things for a motive; given good or bad.

It's nothing really. It's in us.
But at least, motive for the good is totally acceptable.

MY CLASS.

2008-10-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

i'm in class now at 2.28pm. It's the new Semester.
Allow me to do a brief introduction of my class profile.

At the far left corner of the class sits JAQUELINE. She has the same surname as me which is the honourable ANG. haha Her leg is placed on her chair in an ah lian posture. hahah she's kind of bored.

Opposite her is DORIS. She's a mahjong freak. hahaha Always with the laptop.

The girl beside her is QIAN HUI. She's suppsed to be the violinist in my competition group but apparantly, she intend to quit. Now she's in a love-sick mood because her "BF" is not in her sight. haha.

And now the grand appearance of MEILING. She's seated beside Qian hui. She's someone who gets irritated easily. hahah She's a gambler, always asking for poker cards so she could gamble and always asking for a mahjong game in jiamei's house. oh ya! one more thing, she LOVES my jokes the MOST! i'm lovin it.

On the next table at the far right corner of the class, there is a irl named JOANNE who is sitting without a table in front of her. hahaha dumb rite? hahahaha Doesn't matter, cos it suits her. And you know what!?? She gets excited easily and falls off her chair often.!! She has a high pitched voice.

Next on the table is SHUYU. She's a ferce lady who loves to fight. haaha and go against whatever i say. it doesn't matter cos its FUN!! ahah. She's using joanne's latop now. and it is placed on her legs (so what is the table for???).

Movng on, Its a depressive girl named JIAMEI. Everywhere is considered cold to her. She always carry a face of depression on her (its as if she always ot ditched!). jiamei don't worry, you'll find your guy soon!! hahaha

Now, a girl sitting beside me. CHRISTINE. She's a small girl and her hair never grows!!! ahha no offense, actually its quite cool. She's in love with JH but i guess she doesn't realise that. SOON, they b0th will realise the true love that they shared!! hhahhahaha.

Okay after the introduction, actually i'm very tired. so sorry xiang yun, can't describe anymore. too many tables in class. ahah (is ths considered mentioning you in my blog? guess so.)

Lastly. I"M PRETTY.
thats FINAL.
no ARGUMENTS allowed!

bye punks'.

Have to "picture" this out!

2008-10-03T09:41:00.001-07:00

Really feel that my blog is too wordy, too dull. and it's embarrassing. Allow me to brighten it up with some pictures! =)

I know Jay looks small and blurrified in all those pics. You can't blame me. I was seated at the far end ($78 tix).

More pictures!

This is FAB. Dunno what she's up to now. There's no news. But i'm sure her next album will be GREAT. Hope she'll go into acting. Act as Bella Swan!!! (if ever possible)

I seriously think this guy is creative. His concept for his latest album is just unbelievably great. Its more than cool; its perfect.

Brace through it, you'll be there one day.

2008-10-03T09:28:00.000-07:00

You know what?

You really don't have to care about what others think and say about your actions, especially your dreams. Because that is the motivation in life.

Others don't feel it; you feel it.

Beleive in yourself and NEVER EVER DO YOU DARE GIVE UP.
Not many people have an aim in life, furthermore a dream; so do treasure it like your life and NEVER EVER allow anyone to steal that away from you.

BECAUSE ONE DAY WHEN YOU ACHEIVE WHAT YOU WANT, YOU'LL BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON ON EARTH AND THEY (those ignorants) WOULD HAVE TO TAKE BACK THEIR WORDS.

Trust me; life is such.

Holidays are not meant for THEM!

2008-10-02T00:41:00.000-07:00

I'm becoming to hate the "blacks" (blacks to me = blagadash and indians). They have a one a kind tone of speech, a one of a kind smell and a one of a kind nod! hahha
Yesterday was Hari Raya and the national day of China. No wonder its crowded everywhere, including Sentosa!

IRRITATING! is the word.

Yesterday while i was queueing up for the monorail to vivo, it was crowded (more crowded than usual). We were force to line up in rows like kindergarden kids, and FUCK! when the train arrived, everyone was push forward without any control. Those blgadash were even cheering in excitement (did they even think they were fucking!?) hahaha

I just don't understand why those "blacks" have to tag along the fun when its even none of their business. Are they even malays? Maybe its because they have nowhere to go.

When i entered the train, GUESS WHAT, i was stucked. Behind a huge bag and in front of some china people. The bag belong to an "ang moh" hahah, he can't see me. I almost could not breathe when he turned, and his huge bag covered my face!

Luckily, the china guy behind me helped me; he pushed the bag away and said, "xiao mei mei, bu yao shuo womei you bang ni huh, wo bang ni tui kai ta de bag" Then the china lady beside said, "wah seh na ge ang moh hen da leh, jiao ta bu yao luan dong leh!" hahah She felt my frustration. hahah

Those guys changed my views on them, at least a little.
Now they are ranked below the indians on my "most irritating people" list.

(i'm i considered blogging about racism??? i hope not)
Sorry, if anyone gets offended because it ain't meant for you =)

Been knocked down by some "sense"

2008-09-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

Today, i had a chat with my dad. hahah and he told me something that really made sense.
Why do so many people who first started out as a lowly paid worker, still remained a lowly paid worker after so many years??

Is it because they didn't study hard enough in the past??
NO. Its because they don't have an aim in mind; a desire to do something that they really want.

Some cleaners/waitresses/serverswould grumble when their manager ask them to clear the table. In their minds, they might say "WTF! That customer is an ass to create such a mess!". But as a manager, they would say "Quickly clean up so more customer could come and business would be great!"

Thats the difference.

If, as a worker, we could think like a manager, we will be a manager one day. At the same time enjoy the job. When the opportunities come for you to shine and excel, you are prepared to grab it.

The question is "How many people would think this way?"
The answer, FEW
Thats where these few emerge to be the outstnding ones.

We have to start acting like what we want to be in the future, now.